(Re-) Awakening of an Ancient Evil

 It's been a while, hasn't it?

About 6 years, actually. When I made my last post there had already been a 3 year gap, so what's another 3 years between posts, right?

What's this then? What am I up to these days? Honestly, a lot of things. I've changed a lot since when I started this blog, and frankly, there's a couple unsavory things in some of the older blog posts, but that's alright. A lot of people probably would go back to wipe the slate clean or something, but that's just not me. I've always been stubborn and proud, and this applies doubly so nowadays. My old fuck-ups really just serve as a testament to the fact that I've grown as a person and am not the weirdo I was back then. Mind you, I'm still a weirdo, but I'm a lot more mature now.

Did you ever notice how calling yourself mature seems immature? Maybe that's just me. It's equivalent to stating really just about anything positive about yourself, it comes across as boasting when it's (probably) not intended. Or we can just chalk that up to my lack of self-esteem that makes me think that others will always assume the worst of me. I'm rambling, I apologize.

It's nice to finally write again. I kind of missed just getting my thoughts out. For the last two years I've been actively streaming on Twitch, which sort of filled that niche a bit. Instead of writing my thoughts, I was voicing them publicly. But then I stopped a couple months ago because of various mental reasons that made it hard for me to continue, leading me to yearn for that kind of feeling again. But on that subject, yeah, my life actually changed drastically ever since I made my last blog post. I got an apprenticeship and finished it, started streaming, got a job, stopped streaming and all the while I've met so many new people, some of which are still around. Naturally, I'm still talking to some of the same old friends, which is nice. Although my "inner circle" is fairly small nowadays, as long as it exists it still feels like you're part of something. I cannot stress enough the importance of having a place to belong. Maybe it's just human, but without that, your mental state can rapidly decline. Of course this varies from individual to individual, but in my personal experience there's a lot to be said regarding that.

But I didn't start blogging again to talk about that. The real reason is because I'm going to start writing a diary again of my daily actions. Maybe it won't be daily, but I strive for it to be at the very least weekly. Just to write about what's on my mind, what's happened to me and my thought process. And I strive for it to be public and transparent. The advantage of having a niche blog is that it feels less "revealing" when you talk about private stuff because hardly anybody that's affected will actually read it. Of course it's a little contradictory, because if you truly didn't want anybody to find out then you should probably not be public about it. Suppose in a way this is also a means for me to voice my opinion semi-publicly without expecting as much backlash immediately. If I tweet things, some followers might immediately take note and offense to it, and I just cannot be bothered with the drama. But in my blog? Well, it's going to be a lot easier to manage.

Though that makes it sound like I'm only blogging to voice critical opinions. Not at all, I'm just thinking out loud about the kind of stuff that might go on here that I previously had no outlet for. No public one, anyhow. Previously I was speaking to a select few individuals that bothered to listen to that sort of talk and used them as a pseudo-diary, but I think writing it down is just going to be better in the long run. It'll allow me to read it several years later and reflect on it. Ah, don't go expecting long blog posts like this one every time, I just figure this one has to be a lot longer because it has to cover a 6 year gap and there's honestly not enough space in a single post to cover that amount of information satisfyingly.

Instead, I think I'm going to trickle down bits and pieces of relevant information in future posts in order to spread it all out. You'll have bite-sized snacks of intel about my life in everything that I write, doesn't that sound exciting? Plus, it'll be a great way to fill in some space on days where I don't know what else to write.

I've been playing a lot of Uma Musume Pretty Derby (ウマ娘 プリティーダービー) recently, or just Uma Musume for short. It's a Japanese waifu racing game with gacha elements. You know, just in case you were worried I wasn't a weeb anymore. Ah, I started learning Japanese actively about half a year ago and consider myself at least somewhat proficient at reading it now, that's exciting, right? Anyway, the reason I mention Uma Musume is because I remember back in the day I would always end the post with a little link to a video or a song that I like that was relevant to my interest at the time. When I read some of my older posts, I found it quite delightful to see what I was into at what time of my life, and it was surprising to see because I'd forgotten about some of it. So today, I'm going to leave you with the opening of Uma Musume, because it's eye candy, catchy as hell and is currently relevant to my interests.

 

 

I'll be seeing you, presumably, tomorrow or sometime next week to tell you more about my life.