What a sad world we live in...
I'm actually rather teary the second I'm writing this...I feel terrible. All around me, people are having trouble with their life, some even wish they'd be dead rather than to continue living. They seem to have an even worse life than I do. I don't even know what to type, my head feels completely empty... It's really dragging me down.
I usually really want to cheer them up. Of course I want them to be happy. I'm trying to talk to them, help them, give tips, whatever comes to my mind, but it's usually all useless, they won't listen and stay as sad as they are... Sometimes I don't even have any tips and it makes it even more depressing. I just wish my friends could be happy.
I'm starting to cry the more I type... I feel horrible. Life might not be great for me, but if my friends are having worse problems and I'm not even able to help them, I just don't know anymore... Some of those mentioned people don't even read my blog. Those who read it... you know what I'm referring to. Maybe it's a special thing, maybe it's a person. Something in your life isn't going to way you'd want it to go, and it's eating you up from inside. I can imagine you spend countless nights crying your heart out, until finally falling to sleep from exhaustion, just to wake up the next day, knowing nothing will change.
Just so you know, it really gets me sad, too. To some I don't even mention it at all, to some I talk about it all the time. Whenever you're feeling bad, talk to me. Because if there's one thing that I hate more than my life, than it's the fact that others are having it worse.
I would really wish all of those mentioned friends would read this, each and every one of them. I think this is so far the only post I've been writing while crying, and frankly, it gets a bit annoying to rub your eyes every 20 seconds. This is going to be so embarrassing.
And to just round this thing up, nothing really happened. I looked for work, but there's nothing really good. I will try to get a job at REWE next year, for sure. The earlier I am, the better chances I have. Other than that, I finished Mitsudomoe and have no anime I really want to watch right now, except for Naruto which takes one week to release a new episode. Luckily, Mirodir mentioned Case Closed, or rather Meitantei Conan, today, so I'll watch this 300+ episodes anime for now, even though I'll not watch ALL episodes. Have been trying to get people to play League of Legends more. Without any success.
I guess that's it for me, my eyes seem to have calmed down and I can think clearly again.
See you, everyone.
It's been awhile since I've left a comment, though I have been reading.
ReplyDeleteThings like this are ever-complicated by my sleepy-speed laptop, as I've recently sold my computer to compensate for a large portion of college slipping away.
You can give a person every reason to be happy, but at the end of the day, they have to come to terms with whatever's bothering them and overcome it. You can't help so much with that - that's more a personal thing for them. Y'know, closure and what not.
Don't carry so much baggage that your knees crack. If you listen to everyone else's problems when you can't overcome your own, you'll be quickly overwhelmed, and find yourself bitter with them the next time they come to you with a problem.
If it's any consolation, I was playing League of Legends, prior to pawning the CPUnzan. I was no good - I wanted to be Malhazar, though - he's got a pious hood, and he's a walking, talking H.P. Lovecraft reference.
I've recently looked into a seasonal job selling Halloween Costumes - the hours are horrible, but it pays and lets me list them as an employer on Work-Based Scholarships.
Huzzah.
... *takes a deep breath* I'm debating on whether I'm one of those people or not, hahaha. That one time I pretty much broke down in front of you because of my two "friends" who got together? Yeah, they broke up, but now they want pity.. It's not like I'm talking to them anymore.
ReplyDeleteRio.. I know how it might feel, when you want to help out another because I always want to. Like Ichirin said, we have to overcome it because we're going to continue living on like that depending on how our personalities are.
You shouldn't push yourself so hard that you might feel like dying yourself because you don't feel like you've helped us. Even though we barely talk, you've still helped me and I'm very grateful for that. Just like the times I've somehow convinced you; It's funny how life works, huh?
You don't have to listen to my problems, in fact you could just tell me to "Get the hell away" from you, if you are getting a headache or are spazzing out with tears if we continuously come to you. I apologize if I've been a burden in some way possible..
I haven't been very talkative lately, but I've been trying my best to laugh. Jimmie, my so called "father" has yet to understand that I'm not like him.. He found out that most of my online friends range from 5~10 years older than me, so in the end he thought I was committing some sort of sin for him. He wants to force me to church because, well, you could call me an "Agnostic Atheist." How quaint.
Besides all that's been happening, I guess I've been trying to be optomistic for the sake of those who are worried about me. My mom still refuses to allow me to find a job, but I've returned to a game.. "ToonTown" with a buddy who gave me a Game Card for it as a gift. I'm doing my best to pull through, so I don't want to worry you with mine anymore.
Please take it easy, Rio. About that microphone chat, I was assuming that Next Weekend might be OK for you..? If you're not too messed up that is. I want to keep my promise of talking to you through Microphone, so I'll start with that.
Don't worry. I still read your blog, I just.. don't comment.
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ReplyDeletethankyou
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